![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
haveaniceday☑ A whole town against them. “I understand your point. Believe me. But you're not the only ones with something to protect.”
Source: Saiyuki Reload v6ch25: "Even a Worm 12" pages 8-end and "Even a Worm 13."
I usually use the "highlights / what he learned" format for Hakkai's memories, but this time it's going to be a little too complicated to write that as a list :D;.
In this memory, Gojyo, Goku and Hakkai were together and Sanzo was elsewhere. They were being kept prisoners by this guy who posed as a master taoist who kept his town free of youkai, but had no actual power; he had a deal with the youkai instead. He would give them travelers as sacrifices and they would leave his town in peace. The townspeople were supposedly not aware of this. When they finally realized that talking to that guy would serve no purpose and decided to just go look for Sanzo, they were stopped by... the townspeople as well. Everyone was aware of what the fake taoist was doing! They were looking the other way on purpose, to protect what was important to them and seeing that as a necessary evil to be able to live on.
And then the three of them got ready to fight the townspeople because they also had things to protect. When the fight was about to start, Sanzo showed up, with blood on his clothes, and everyone moved to let him pass when he told them to, instead of seizing him to give him as a sacrifice to the youkai. Sanzo collapsed into Goku's arms and said he would outlive everyone and die with his pride intact. When the "master taoist" accused him of lying to himself, Sanzo answered "You could be right. Maybe we're fucked. But this is our path."
kyaa
I've talked before about Hakkai's issues with his lack of context in his memories. As in, how to atone when he didn't remember the person for whom he killed all those people? What kind of atonement was expected from him after the trial, since he didn't remember it? What did it even mean to live on carrying the consequences of his actions? To avoid prioritizing people? To care more about others? To keep himself from doing any kind of harm to anyone? Because deep down, he didn't really feel as bad about what he had done as he probably should have, for someone who knew what he did was unforgivable, and even underwent a trial with the gods themselves (even though he wasn't a religious person at all), yadda yadda.
That kind of thing has been on his mind for some time now. And he started second-guessing himself and trying to be "good" or at least harmless, in different ways, but ultimately nothing worked for him because, well, he was not being himself. So his casual grudges got out of control trying to make up for everything he was repressing, for example, but there was no way he could ever take full responsibility and really atone for what he did. Was that even possible? He was a sinner back then, and even now his feelings were similar, and that would never change regardless of what he did or what he could do. That's what he figured out from this memory.
Here he saw himself being confident, believing in his principles and in his companions in a serious situation, and willing to fight for them regardless of others. What the Ikkou said, and the way they acted, helped him understand a lot about the Ikkou attitude towards life, which also clarified some of what Sanzo said baaaaack then before his trial. Right now, and after talking with Gojyo at the party and realizing that the Ikkou were so natural around each other that trying to force things so they could be close again would only make them more distant, he's thinking that instead of trying to change himself, he is going to allow himself to be as he thinks he really is, right or wrong.
Of course, this is Hakkai we're talking about, who learned the same life lesson more than once in canon, yet he still reverts to what he was doing before for different reasons, and who will not follow his own advice fairly often. -_-. BUT STILL! As of now, we have a more confident, no-nonsense Hakkai who won't second-guess his motivations as much and will be generally less defensive. Caring or not caring, fighting or not fighting, seeing everyone's point and not trusting himself to decide either way... That kind of thing won't happen again, or so he believes. He saw that the best he can do is to live his own life and see his convictions to the end. Also, that the people who are important to him are just not the same as the others, regardless of how much he tried to look at things that way and avoid putting a value on human lives here in Aather. Looking at it that way, he would allow himself to kill any number of people again without hesitation if that served any sort of purpose other than blind revenge (and if he had his skills back, ha ha). After regaining this memory, he believes he can trust himself, and the Ikkou, and his principles.
(There's also the whole thing about how he didn't judge his companions' language in this memory because this was a SRS BSNS sort of situation, and this coupled with his last memory will probably make him stop correcting Sapphire's manners randomly. I also said last time that he will not take on more team tasks than he has to. So he might be an even worse team mom. But he'll be more open when it matters! That's a good thing! This has the potential to be a good moment in his Aather life :). Although I'm not sure anyone will notice the difference, or even see it as something good... Maybe Gojyo? FUSHIGI MYSTERY.)
So, in me-speak:
++ confidence
++ exposition
++ trust and respect for the ikkou
+ adapting to/accepting the people around him
+ cold when angry (confirmation)
+ no nonsense
+ yep, he has his opinions but is not a leader
+ understanding is not the same as agreeing (confirmation)
Source: Saiyuki Reload v6ch25: "Even a Worm 12" pages 8-end and "Even a Worm 13."
I usually use the "highlights / what he learned" format for Hakkai's memories, but this time it's going to be a little too complicated to write that as a list :D;.
In this memory, Gojyo, Goku and Hakkai were together and Sanzo was elsewhere. They were being kept prisoners by this guy who posed as a master taoist who kept his town free of youkai, but had no actual power; he had a deal with the youkai instead. He would give them travelers as sacrifices and they would leave his town in peace. The townspeople were supposedly not aware of this. When they finally realized that talking to that guy would serve no purpose and decided to just go look for Sanzo, they were stopped by... the townspeople as well. Everyone was aware of what the fake taoist was doing! They were looking the other way on purpose, to protect what was important to them and seeing that as a necessary evil to be able to live on.
And then the three of them got ready to fight the townspeople because they also had things to protect. When the fight was about to start, Sanzo showed up, with blood on his clothes, and everyone moved to let him pass when he told them to, instead of seizing him to give him as a sacrifice to the youkai. Sanzo collapsed into Goku's arms and said he would outlive everyone and die with his pride intact. When the "master taoist" accused him of lying to himself, Sanzo answered "You could be right. Maybe we're fucked. But this is our path."
kyaa
I've talked before about Hakkai's issues with his lack of context in his memories. As in, how to atone when he didn't remember the person for whom he killed all those people? What kind of atonement was expected from him after the trial, since he didn't remember it? What did it even mean to live on carrying the consequences of his actions? To avoid prioritizing people? To care more about others? To keep himself from doing any kind of harm to anyone? Because deep down, he didn't really feel as bad about what he had done as he probably should have, for someone who knew what he did was unforgivable, and even underwent a trial with the gods themselves (even though he wasn't a religious person at all), yadda yadda.
That kind of thing has been on his mind for some time now. And he started second-guessing himself and trying to be "good" or at least harmless, in different ways, but ultimately nothing worked for him because, well, he was not being himself. So his casual grudges got out of control trying to make up for everything he was repressing, for example, but there was no way he could ever take full responsibility and really atone for what he did. Was that even possible? He was a sinner back then, and even now his feelings were similar, and that would never change regardless of what he did or what he could do. That's what he figured out from this memory.
Here he saw himself being confident, believing in his principles and in his companions in a serious situation, and willing to fight for them regardless of others. What the Ikkou said, and the way they acted, helped him understand a lot about the Ikkou attitude towards life, which also clarified some of what Sanzo said baaaaack then before his trial. Right now, and after talking with Gojyo at the party and realizing that the Ikkou were so natural around each other that trying to force things so they could be close again would only make them more distant, he's thinking that instead of trying to change himself, he is going to allow himself to be as he thinks he really is, right or wrong.
Of course, this is Hakkai we're talking about, who learned the same life lesson more than once in canon, yet he still reverts to what he was doing before for different reasons, and who will not follow his own advice fairly often. -_-. BUT STILL! As of now, we have a more confident, no-nonsense Hakkai who won't second-guess his motivations as much and will be generally less defensive. Caring or not caring, fighting or not fighting, seeing everyone's point and not trusting himself to decide either way... That kind of thing won't happen again, or so he believes. He saw that the best he can do is to live his own life and see his convictions to the end. Also, that the people who are important to him are just not the same as the others, regardless of how much he tried to look at things that way and avoid putting a value on human lives here in Aather. Looking at it that way, he would allow himself to kill any number of people again without hesitation if that served any sort of purpose other than blind revenge (and if he had his skills back, ha ha). After regaining this memory, he believes he can trust himself, and the Ikkou, and his principles.
(There's also the whole thing about how he didn't judge his companions' language in this memory because this was a SRS BSNS sort of situation, and this coupled with his last memory will probably make him stop correcting Sapphire's manners randomly. I also said last time that he will not take on more team tasks than he has to. So he might be an even worse team mom. But he'll be more open when it matters! That's a good thing! This has the potential to be a good moment in his Aather life :). Although I'm not sure anyone will notice the difference, or even see it as something good... Maybe Gojyo? FUSHIGI MYSTERY.)
So, in me-speak:
++ confidence
++ exposition
++ trust and respect for the ikkou
+ adapting to/accepting the people around him
+ cold when angry (confirmation)
+ no nonsense
+ yep, he has his opinions but is not a leader
+ understanding is not the same as agreeing (confirmation)
