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haveaniceday☑ Teaching Goku with food. "We eat them with everyone."
Source: Saiyuki Reload: "Burial," pages 7-10 and page 25-27.
Highlights:
- Teaching primer! "They usually learn faster if it's something they have an interest in."
- Being called Hakkai, Goku's name, Gojyo's name
- Sanzo is his supervisor, feeling indebted to him
- ... Charging Sanzo for unrelated damages
- Gojyo got hurt, sounds like there was a fight?
- "We're mutually tainted objects," taking it naturally
- Finding symbolic meaning in what Goku said
This was a good memory for him- he feels lighter after this. He's assuming this took place not too long after being judged for his sins because of his conversation with Sanzo.
And! Bonus thoughts on what I've been doing with him in Aather. This was written before he got this memory, though.
So,failtactical had her CANON SELF crisis the other day and wrote up her reasons for it, and I kept laughing at her irl because well, in my case with Hakkai, it’s like he’s taken up many of his canon behaviors but they’re ALL in the wrong measure.
My main problem with Hakkai nowadays is his personality balance, by which I mean the way he canalizes his own personality and impulses. The way I see it, there’s a system to how he deals with things, which evolves during canon (maybe due to an evolution in Minekura’s storytelling itself and maybe on purpose, but the change is there regardless). He’s a complicated character because of how his character development and storytelling functions are woven together, but I don’t think it’s that difficult to trace his patterns, how they are weighted, and how he reacts in what kind of situation once you know where to look (reproducing all of that is something else altogether XD; and I’ll do my best once it’s believable for me to even try to do it). I started studying this and writing it down few years ago, and I will probably finish and post it up here for reference sometime later. I also have a lot of thoughts on character!Hakkai vs. plot device!Hakkai too, which I should elaborate on sometime.
BUT ANYWAY. My point is that it’s a bit frustrating to have to make a conscious decision to leave all of that aside. I don’t see Hakkai's interactions in canon as a result of his core personality, but as a result of that AND his dynamics with others, levels of trust, experiences shared, personal experiences, and so on... I don't think I could have had him start out differently here because of how I see this. Still, I do believe it’s fine if he falls back to certain patterns he has in canon, just not to the way he does things in canon. Like... form vs. substance, if you know what I mean. That’s why his interactions end up being similar but wrong, in a disturbing way that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and OOC XD;. There’s a system to his current self as well, but it’s very fragmented because he hasn’t internalized a lot of his behaviors yet, so he’s struggling to be “like this” to be true to what he remembers feeling, but he would naturally be “like that” in many cases because of what he's remembered so far.
If I had to describe his main characteristics right now the way I'm playing him, I’d have to say he’s analytical and observant (memory 0), distrustful (memory 0), outwardly polite with strangers (memory 1), detached (memories 0 and 1), and concerned about unfairness, or his own take on unfairness, anyway (memories 0 and 2). He tries to be pleasant and superficial with others to avoid having trouble, sometimes speaks jokingly to make things more light-hearted (memory 1), and he’s found out that smiles work on people to that effect (memories 0 and 1), but sometimes it just doesn’t happen because he hasn’t worked out his real motivations for being like that, so he struggles with his more honest disposition (memory 0), the value he gives to not causing trouble to others (memory 1), and his decision to live with the consequences of his acts (memory 2)etcetera, but I’d never end if I listed everything. Either way, this is why he reacted as he did with Gokudera during the second round of the Mother Goose game, for example, and also why he’s lectured people when they’re being troublesome; not because he thinks they are wrong, but because of how they went about it. Form vs. substance again, basically, and the meaning and motivations behind this attitude will probably morph into something closer to canon when he regains his, uh, personal brand of lack of self-esteem in the future (striving not to be a burden himself and actually believing in the value of what he’s doing, contradictory as it may seem), once he remembers the whole Kanan issue and what the others did for him (especially Sanzo).
Re: his second memory. He certainly felt like closing off when he regained it, but talking to the Ikkou, his conversation with Souya about Aather, and Sapphire’s dynamics influenced the way he dealt with that. As things stand now, he’s told himself there are more important matters than that overwhelming I LOST MY EVERYTHING feeling, especially because he doesn’t remember ever having anything like that, just the pain of his loss. He decided to live on after that, and he can’t afford to close off for his teammates’ sake (see next paragraph). So he’s trying to act on what he feels strongly about, but it’s difficult to keep it superficial like that, and he doesn’t want to let people in. That’s why he’s careful not to let anyone but the Ikkou come too close. He hasn’t told the entirety of any of his memories to anyone but them, and he only told them because they were there and he figured they had a right to know.
Still, he’s managed to have actual not-so-trivial conversations with some people such as Souya and KK; he’s lectured and pushed his sense of consideration on people he thinks are being inconsiderate because they don’t think things through (Parker, Excel, even Asuka); he’s genuinely nice to people who are polite and honest with him (Yuki, Mau, Naoya). But none of these conversations have been personal. There’s definitely a barrier between him and everyone else. He likes his Sapphire teammates, but he sees himself as their support and not the other way around, so he won’t tell them about his past and he’s been trying not to talk about his concerns regarding Aather with them after he regained his last memory. In a way, he has assumed the role of their caretaker because it’s sort of a way to atone for what he did. He thinks it’s a good way to keep them all out of trouble, and also because deep down, he sees himself as fairly indifferent to other people (memory 0, and he doesn't remember thinking much of the people he killed in memory 2). So he’s trying to counter that. He doesn’t know how he managed to kill so many people, and he doesn’t really understand why he did it for one person, but he remembers feeling like THAT, and it was like nothing mattered but her back then. So, looking after his teammates is a sort of atonement for that, although he won’t force his views or opinions on them, just try to reason with them and maybe guilt-trip them. A-And he’ll probably try to shield them from danger in the future if he can, since he doesn’t feel especially attached to himself either. /o\
As for his comic relief-like comments, I've wondered if I should try to fix them, but I decided to go along with after all. Hakkai was like that with Gojyo from the beginning here in Aather, just a bit more on the blunt "I'm saying this with a smile and in the form of a joke because I have no reason not to speak my mind with someone like you but I don't want to be outright rude either." It turned out like that when he only had his memories 0 and 1 and he was surer of himself than now. That instance of the whole form vs. substance thing morphed into a more good-natured sort of interaction with Gojyo later on, when they started getting along better. And so Hakkai noticed this kind of comments were good stress relief for him, but it's not something he'll say to just anyone or in any situation.
To sum all of this up, his balance is all wrong here. It’s like his actions are reflected on a distorted mirror or something. But I'm aware of it! Kanan and Gojyo memories, please come to me. :|
Also, LATEST ON THE BANDWAGON! Question meme goes here if there's anything you'd like to ask.
Source: Saiyuki Reload: "Burial," pages 7-10 and page 25-27.
Highlights:
- Teaching primer! "They usually learn faster if it's something they have an interest in."
- Being called Hakkai, Goku's name, Gojyo's name
- Sanzo is his supervisor, feeling indebted to him
- ... Charging Sanzo for unrelated damages
- Gojyo got hurt, sounds like there was a fight?
- "We're mutually tainted objects," taking it naturally
- Finding symbolic meaning in what Goku said
This was a good memory for him- he feels lighter after this. He's assuming this took place not too long after being judged for his sins because of his conversation with Sanzo.
And! Bonus thoughts on what I've been doing with him in Aather. This was written before he got this memory, though.
So,
failtactical had her CANON SELF crisis the other day and wrote up her reasons for it, and I kept laughing at her irl because well, in my case with Hakkai, it’s like he’s taken up many of his canon behaviors but they’re ALL in the wrong measure.My main problem with Hakkai nowadays is his personality balance, by which I mean the way he canalizes his own personality and impulses. The way I see it, there’s a system to how he deals with things, which evolves during canon (maybe due to an evolution in Minekura’s storytelling itself and maybe on purpose, but the change is there regardless). He’s a complicated character because of how his character development and storytelling functions are woven together, but I don’t think it’s that difficult to trace his patterns, how they are weighted, and how he reacts in what kind of situation once you know where to look (reproducing all of that is something else altogether XD; and I’ll do my best once it’s believable for me to even try to do it). I started studying this and writing it down few years ago, and I will probably finish and post it up here for reference sometime later. I also have a lot of thoughts on character!Hakkai vs. plot device!Hakkai too, which I should elaborate on sometime.
BUT ANYWAY. My point is that it’s a bit frustrating to have to make a conscious decision to leave all of that aside. I don’t see Hakkai's interactions in canon as a result of his core personality, but as a result of that AND his dynamics with others, levels of trust, experiences shared, personal experiences, and so on... I don't think I could have had him start out differently here because of how I see this. Still, I do believe it’s fine if he falls back to certain patterns he has in canon, just not to the way he does things in canon. Like... form vs. substance, if you know what I mean. That’s why his interactions end up being similar but wrong, in a disturbing way that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and OOC XD;. There’s a system to his current self as well, but it’s very fragmented because he hasn’t internalized a lot of his behaviors yet, so he’s struggling to be “like this” to be true to what he remembers feeling, but he would naturally be “like that” in many cases because of what he's remembered so far.
If I had to describe his main characteristics right now the way I'm playing him, I’d have to say he’s analytical and observant (memory 0), distrustful (memory 0), outwardly polite with strangers (memory 1), detached (memories 0 and 1), and concerned about unfairness, or his own take on unfairness, anyway (memories 0 and 2). He tries to be pleasant and superficial with others to avoid having trouble, sometimes speaks jokingly to make things more light-hearted (memory 1), and he’s found out that smiles work on people to that effect (memories 0 and 1), but sometimes it just doesn’t happen because he hasn’t worked out his real motivations for being like that, so he struggles with his more honest disposition (memory 0), the value he gives to not causing trouble to others (memory 1), and his decision to live with the consequences of his acts (memory 2)
Re: his second memory. He certainly felt like closing off when he regained it, but talking to the Ikkou, his conversation with Souya about Aather, and Sapphire’s dynamics influenced the way he dealt with that. As things stand now, he’s told himself there are more important matters than that overwhelming I LOST MY EVERYTHING feeling, especially because he doesn’t remember ever having anything like that, just the pain of his loss. He decided to live on after that, and he can’t afford to close off for his teammates’ sake (see next paragraph). So he’s trying to act on what he feels strongly about, but it’s difficult to keep it superficial like that, and he doesn’t want to let people in. That’s why he’s careful not to let anyone but the Ikkou come too close. He hasn’t told the entirety of any of his memories to anyone but them, and he only told them because they were there and he figured they had a right to know.
Still, he’s managed to have actual not-so-trivial conversations with some people such as Souya and KK; he’s lectured and pushed his sense of consideration on people he thinks are being inconsiderate because they don’t think things through (Parker, Excel, even Asuka); he’s genuinely nice to people who are polite and honest with him (Yuki, Mau, Naoya). But none of these conversations have been personal. There’s definitely a barrier between him and everyone else. He likes his Sapphire teammates, but he sees himself as their support and not the other way around, so he won’t tell them about his past and he’s been trying not to talk about his concerns regarding Aather with them after he regained his last memory. In a way, he has assumed the role of their caretaker because it’s sort of a way to atone for what he did. He thinks it’s a good way to keep them all out of trouble, and also because deep down, he sees himself as fairly indifferent to other people (memory 0, and he doesn't remember thinking much of the people he killed in memory 2). So he’s trying to counter that. He doesn’t know how he managed to kill so many people, and he doesn’t really understand why he did it for one person, but he remembers feeling like THAT, and it was like nothing mattered but her back then. So, looking after his teammates is a sort of atonement for that, although he won’t force his views or opinions on them, just try to reason with them and maybe guilt-trip them. A-And he’ll probably try to shield them from danger in the future if he can, since he doesn’t feel especially attached to himself either. /o\
As for his comic relief-like comments, I've wondered if I should try to fix them, but I decided to go along with after all. Hakkai was like that with Gojyo from the beginning here in Aather, just a bit more on the blunt "I'm saying this with a smile and in the form of a joke because I have no reason not to speak my mind with someone like you but I don't want to be outright rude either." It turned out like that when he only had his memories 0 and 1 and he was surer of himself than now. That instance of the whole form vs. substance thing morphed into a more good-natured sort of interaction with Gojyo later on, when they started getting along better. And so Hakkai noticed this kind of comments were good stress relief for him, but it's not something he'll say to just anyone or in any situation.
To sum all of this up, his balance is all wrong here. It’s like his actions are reflected on a distorted mirror or something. But I'm aware of it! Kanan and Gojyo memories, please come to me. :|
Also, LATEST ON THE BANDWAGON! Question meme goes here if there's anything you'd like to ask.
